Čisti zov divljine



Ponekad imam osjećaj da sam se odavno izgubio
na ovom svijetu i da je sve krivo postavljeno:
i imena gradova, i imena ulica, i imena ljudi,
znakovi na cesti, krsni listovi i boje na zastavama.
Da smo krive lekcije učili u udžbenicima,
i profesori da su trebali biti đaci
i učiti od nas koji smo bili djeca,
a mi da smo trebali ostati onakvi
nezainteresirani za strane svijeta,
statističke podatke o ekonomskom rastu
i kada je koja bitka vođena.

Čini mi se da bi bili pametniji
s onim osmjehom dječaka koji se
nemilosrdno ceri pred kartom Svijeta
smiještajući Afriku gdje bi trebala biti
Amerika, i Europu tamo gdje je Azija.

I mudriji da je bio naš bijeg sa školskog sata,
od dosadnih formula iz fizike i kemije.
Jer - tako je to ponekad u mojoj glavi -
čini mi se kad ljudi ništa ne bi znali
o kemijskim spojevima i zakonima fizike,
još uvijek bi živjeli u špilji
i igrali se na mame i tate.
I da bi bez Dnevnika, Interneta i dnevnog tiska
više poznavali jedni druge. I kako teku suze,
i kako grmi smijeh. I srce kako se kadikad steže
mimo svih zakona, pred stvarima o kojima ljudi
najčešće i ne razmišljaju, a o kojima u udžbeniku
nije pisalo ništa.

Ponekad stvarno imam osjećaj da sam se izgubio.
I što je lijevo, učini mi se da bi trebalo biti desno,
i što je desno, da bi trebalo biti lijevo,
i ono što je gore, da bi trebalo biti dolje,
i obratno. I sve bi tako ispremještao.
Jer čini mi se ponekad, da se ljudi
i vole i mrze po inerciji i navici.
I da čine sve samo zato jer im je netko rekao
da je dobro da to čine baš tako
kako su ih naučili da čine,
a zapravo nije, jer bi moglo i drukčije.
I svašta se meni tako čini, i pričinja,
ponekad i predskazuje, pa stvarno bude onako
kao u tom predskazanju, a ne onako kako su nam rekli.

Čudne me misli spopadaju. Što sam stariji, sve to više.
I ponekad mi bude pravo žao što nikada nisam živio u špilji,
bez frižidera, mikrovalne i daljinskog upravljača.
Zamisli da svako jutro iznova moraš kresati kamen o kamen
da bi zapalio vatru, ganjati divlju svinju ili loviti ribu?
Kakve bi ti se onda misli vrzmale po glavi, i bi li tvoje ruke
imale isti osjećaj za stvari?

Dobro! - Priznajem, bilo bi to naporno. Ovako je mnogo lakše.
No, što je s osjećajem za stvari? Je li i naša glad ista
kao i ona prva? I ona vatra, kao ova mikrovalna? Grokće li ova
pitoma svinja kao i ona divlja? Ili smo se svi izgubili
među svim tim zemljama, jezicima, kulturama, tehničkim
i mentalnim pomagalima? I je li ono bilo divlje samo zato
što su nas razmazili, ili smo mi divlji kojima nije bila dovoljna
riba za ručak, pa smo sagradili brod, pa tvornicu, pa...
nacrtali Europu, Ameriku, Aziju...

- Da mi je ući u tvoju glavu, mislim da bi se osjećala ko Alisa
u zemlji čudesa! - tako mi reče jednom sestra.

I nije bila daleko!

Na ovoj planeti čudesa, da te nema,
Ljubavi moja, ne znam kud bih krenuo.
Niti što bih uopće radio?

O tome razmišljam dok gledam tvoje lice.
O kojem mi nitko nije rekao ništa,
a na kojem je zapisano ama baš sve
što je važno.

Čisti zov divljine.

Vinko Kalinić




Pure call of the wilderness

Sometime I have a feeling that I’ve lost myself long time ago
on this world and that everything is being wrongly set:
towns names, the streets names and the people names,
signs on the roads, birth certificates and the flags colours.
That we learned wrong subjects from the textbooks,
and that professors had to be the students
and learn from us who were the children,
and that we should have stayed state in
disinterested for the sides of the world,
for statistical data on economic growth
and when was what battle fought.

It seems to me that we would have been smarter
with that smile of the boy who
relentlessly grins in front of a world map
placing Africa where should be
America, and Europe where Asia is.

And also, if the wagging school was wiser,
than boring formulas of Physics and Chemistry.
Whereas – it’s like that sometimes in my head -
it seems to me when people wouldn’t know
anything about chemical compounds and the laws of physics,
they would still be living in the cave
and they would still be playing mums and dads.
And that without the TV news, Internet and daily newspapers
they would better get to know each other. And how tears drop,
and how laughter thunder. And also how the heart sometimes squirm
past all laws, in front of things people
most often don’t think, things that
never existed in the textbooks.

Sometimes I really feel that I've lost myself.
And what is left, it seems to me that should be right,
and what is right, that it should be left,
and what is up, that should be down,
and vice versa. And so, I would mix up all of that.
Because it seems to me sometimes, that people
love and hate each other by inertia and habit.
And that they do everything just because someone told them
it was good to do just that
as they taught them to do,
but actually is not, because it could be otherwise.
And everything methinks so, and vice,
and sometimes predicts, and really it is exactly
as in that prophecy, and not the way they told us.

Strange thoughts seize upon me. As I got older even more.
And sometimes I'd be really sorry that I have never lived in a cave,
without refrigerator, microwave and remote control.
Imagine that every morning you have to strike the stones together
to light a fire, chase the wild boar or catch a fish?
What thoughts would you then be having in your head, and whether your hands
would have the same sense for things?

Well, OK! - I admit, it would be hard. Thus it is much easier.
But what about the sense of things? Is our hunger the same
as it was the hunger before? And that fire, is it the same as this microwave one?
Does the domestic pig grunt the same as the wild one? Or we all have got lost
among all these countries, languages, cultures, technical
and mental aid tools? And whether that was wild just because
we were spoiled, and we are wild, we who didn't have enough
just fish for lunch, so we built a ship and factory, and so...
we just drew Europe, America, Asia...

- If I could get into your head, I think I would have felt like Alice
in Wonderland! - my sister once said to me.

And she wasn't too far from the truth!

On this planet of wonders, if you were not here,
My love, I do not know where I would go.
Nor what would I do, anyway?

I think about it when I look at your face.
Face nobody told me anything about,
and on which is written absolutely everything
that is important.

Pure call of the wilderness.


Vinko Kalinić

(Translated by
Darko Kotevski)