Ti, koja si snivala na srcu moje majke




- Dini, mojoj sestri



Kad izgovorim tvoje ime, u njedrima zemlje zagrme vulkani
zaustavi se vrijeme, prolomi se dažd i oblaci zanijeme
na poljani nekoj - dugoj, nepreglednoj -
daleko od svijeta, od ljudi običnih i svakodnevnih
odjednom rastvore se nebesa,
i kao kroz neka stara zahrđala vrata
ja uniđem u hram tananih mi uspomena
- vidim ruke našeg djeda, jabuku kako ljušti
i sunce kako se razlistava, svjetlost kako pršti u snopovima

kad ugledam tvoje lice, ja vidim galop konja
i čujem tutanj niske grmljavine, zborove anđela slušam
i glas naše none, nerazgovijetan, milozvučan
zapetljan u molitvama, i na dnu mora urnebesan urlik
u rana jutra kad titani se bude - osluškujem šuštanje žala
i cvrkut lastavica, zemlju kako diše - i ponovno poželim
uspeti se na vrh brijega gdje rastu tulipani
i nebeske gdje plešu vile

kad me misao ponese k jastuku tvome
ja u plećima ćutim miris jorgovana, i ponovno su tu
sve izgubljene stvari što su srcu drage, pa čak i one
koje smo samo sanjali, a kojih zapravo nikada i nije bilo

znaš li, nikada nisam prestao vjerovati u bajke

još uvijek sam veliko razigrano dijete,
ono isto dijete što je htjelo
rukama svojim obgrliti čitav svijet
i jedino što vapim kad se molim Bogu
ja kažem: ne treba mi ništa
- Bože, daj da sanjam!

kad sretnem drage ljude, ja ih volim
čisto, bezrezervno - takvo je srce moje
golo kao kamen, žedno kao spužva
i pjesme kad pišem, ja samo hoću
zaustaviti vrijeme, pobijediti samoću
- htio bih sve što imam sakriti u riječi
od vlastitih snova isklesati slova
podijeliti cijelog sebe, kao odrasli
kad djeci dijele bombone

tebi nikada nisam napisao pjesmu

a sanjao sam te
sanjao sam te tisuću puta
sanjao sam kako stojimo na cesti
na cesti koja nema kraja
sami - ti i ja

ja i ti

ti, najveća od svih titana
ti, nježnija od svih vila

i ja, koji bi htio, uvijek iz početka
djetinjom rukom pomilovati tvoje bijelo lice

ti, koja si snivala na srcu moje majke


Komiža, 10. travnja 2009.

Vinko Kalinić


(foto: Vinko Kalinić, na slici Blanka Virovkić)






 

You, who have dreamt on my mother`s heart


- To Dina, my sister


When I say out you name, volcanos thunder in the earth bosoms
the time stops, the rain bursts and clouds go numb
in some meadow – long, immense -
far away from the world, from people common and quotidian
suddenly the heavens unfold,
and like through some old rusty door
I enter into the temple of my tenuous memories
- I see our grandpa’s hands, how he peels the apple
and the sun how it’s spreading, how the light is crackling into the beams

when I see your face, I see horses galloping
and I hear low rolling thunder, angels choirs I hear
and the voice of our grandma, ambiguous, euphonious
embroiled into prayers, and at the bottom of the sea, thundering howl
in the early mornings when the Titans wake up – I listen the shore rustling
and swallows chirping, the Earth, how it breads – and I wish again
to climb on the top of the hill where tulips grow
and where heavenly fairies dance

when my mind takes me to your pillow
I feel the lilac scent on my shoulders, and they are here again
all those lost things dear to the heart, even those
which we have only dreamt, but they really never existed

do you know, I have never stopped believing in fairy tales

I’m still big playful child,
that same child who wanted
with his arms to embrace the whole world
and only thing I cry when I pray to God
I say: I don’t need anything
- God, let me dream!

when I meet dear people, I love them
purely, unreservedly – my heart is like that
bare like stone, thirsty like sponge
and when I write songs, I only want
to stop the time, to conquer the solitude
- I would like everything I have to hide into words
to carve letters out of my own dreams
to distribute myself, like grownups
when they give away lollies to children

I have never written a song to you

and I did dream about you
I dreamed about you thousand times
I dreamed how we stood on the road
on the road without the end
alone – you and me

me and you

you, the largest of all titans
you, more gentle of all fairies

and me, who would like, always from the beginning
with my babyish hand to caress your white face

you, who have dreamt on my mother’s heart

Komiža, 10th April, 2009

Vinko Kalinić

(Translated by
Darko Kotevski)