Oprosti mi, ako možeš

Vinko Kalinić 05:13:00 0 comments Moje pjesme Vinko Kalinić

Htio sam ti napisati pjesmu, najljepše stihove
koje je ikada napisao ijedan pjesnik

danima sam tražio riječi u koje bih skrio
svoje najdublje misli, prevrnuh svaki kamen
cijedio sam svoje srce kao limun, kao nar
i dušu svoju napinjao, da razvedri se i napuni vjetrom,
kao ribari iz prastarih vremena što razastirahu
bijela jedra svojih lađa

ali sva su slova bila malo
svi jezici svijeta bijahu škrti

htio sam ti napisati pjesmu, zaista sam htio
čistu neku pjesmu, vedru kao jutro,
bijelu kao smokvino mlijeko,
tanahnu i nježnu, čilu, jednostavnu
i tihu - kao jecaj zvona i šuštanje žala

sto puta sam htio napisati tu pjesmu,
pjesmu o dječaku najljepšem u gradu
- to zaista si bio! – i ostao si uvijek
krčag snova, vjedro puno mjesečine,
na svilenoj struni neka duga, tankoćutna nota
što miriše na ljubav i poziva u djetinjstvo

vjeruj mi, zaista sam htio i još uvijek želim
isklesati taj stih, napisati tu pjesmu
al se bojim, kada sklopim vjeđe
i pustim da me lahor nosi
- ja i nisam neki pjesnik! -
svaka riječ se u mojoj ruci slomi
kada iz mraka nepomućene svijesti
izroni tvoje lice puno svjetla
i obasja one dveri,
kao u sobama naših nona,
gdje takve usne
i takve oči
imaju samo
anđeli i sveci

ipak, nikada nisam odustao da napišem tu pjesmu
iako mi se sve više čini da je, zapravo
nikada dovršiti neću

valjda je to prokletstvo i pjesnika i ljudi:
pored najljepših stvari osuđeni smo
stajati bez riječi

kao vojnici na mrtvoj straži
kao dječaci pred oblacima

oprosti mi, ja te molim
što svoje srce ne mogu
pretočiti u riječi
- iako bih htio!


oprosti mi, ako možeš
što ću uvijek
voljeti te
nijemo


Vinko Kalinić 

Forgive me, if you can

S. - To the most beautiful boy in my town

I wanted to write you a song, most beautiful verses
that has ever written any poet

for days I’ve been searching for words where I would hide
my deepest thoughts, I’ve overturned every stone
I was squeezing my heart like a lemon, like a pomegranate
and I was straining my soul, to clear up and to fill up with wind,
like the ancient fishermen when they used to spread
white sails of their boats

but all letters were not enough
all world languages were too miserly

I wanted to write you a song, I really did
some pure song , clear as a morning
white as a milk from the fig tree
gauzy and gentle, smart, simple
and silent – like a moan of the bell and the shore rustling

hundred times I wanted to write that song,
the song about the most beautiful boy in town
- this, you really were ! – and you always remained
a jug of dreams, a bucket full of moonshine,
some sensitively long note on the silky string
which smells of love and invites to the childhood

believe me, I really wanted and I still would like
to carve that verse, to write that song
but I’m afraid, when I shut my eyelids
and concede myself to the zephyr’s flow
- I’m not even some poet! -
every word in my hand crush
when from the darkness of impassive mind
your face emerges full of light
and lights up those gates,
like in the rooms of our grandmas,
where those lips
and those eyes
only angels have
and saints too

however, I have never given up to write that song
though, I think more and more, actually, that
I will never complete it

perhaps this is a curse of poets and humans:
we are punished to stand speechless
beside the most beautiful things

like the soldiers on the death-watch
like the boys before the clouds

forgive me, I beg you
as I can’t transfuse my heart
into words
- although I would like to!

forgive me, if you can
for I will love you silently
forever 

Komiža, 26th July, 2009.

Vinko Kalinić

(Translated
by Darko Kotevski)