The grain

Vinko Kalinić 17:41:00 0 comments Facende Komiśki Prose (english) Proza Translated by Darko Kotevski Vinko Kalinić

Young lady ’’T’’ got pregnant. As the father of the child was unknown and the candidates for parentage were numerous, the most suitable candidate for the court case was a professor of mathematics. He was unmarried, was in a secure government position and had a beautiful house, right by the beach.

So, one morning Professor Spring stood in front of the jury of the Municipal Court Komiža.

- Did you understand the charge? – The judge asked the accused.

- Your Honour, I do understand the Nature of the charge and the Mathematics of it! – Professor Spring defended himself.

- Then, you do plead guilty and confess the parentage? – The judge said with enthusiasm hoping for a swift and successful settlement of the case.

- Your Honour, may I ask you something? – Professor Spring stands up.

- Please, do! – The judge’s attention focused on the accused.

- See, this is how it is! – said Professor Spring positioning himself as he would before his students in front of the blackboard at school when presenting the problem of some mathematical equation. – If I had eaten today backed beans, and had farted here, now, would you, my honour, be able to say, with certainty, exactly which one of those bean grains had really exploded?

Vinko Kalinić

From ’’Notations of one bastard’’
(Stories which history doesn’t remember,
but they have tangled up the whole life)

(Translated by Darko Kotevski)

 

 

Zrno

Gospodična T. je ostala u drugom stanju. Kako je otac bio nepoznat, a kandidata za očinstvo više, najpogodniji za tužbu bio je profesor matematike. On nije bio oženjen, imao je siguran državni posao i lijepu kuću, odmah uz plažu.

Tako se jedno jutro Meštar Šušta našao pred porotom Općinskog suda u Komiži.

- Jeste li razumjeli optužbu? – pitao je gospodin sudac tuženoga.

- Gospodin sudac, razumijem ja i prirodu i matematiku! – branio se Meštar Šušta.
- Dakle, Vi priznajete očinstvo? – poveselio se sudac brzom i uspješnom razrješavanju sudskog predmeta.
- Gospon sudac, mogu li ja Vas nešto pitati? – ustane Meštar Šušta.
- Izvolite! – koncentrira se sudac pogledom na tuženika.
- Evo ovako! – postavi se Meštar Šušta, kao da đacima u razredu pred školskom pločom iznosi zagonetku neke matematičke jednažbe – Da sam se ja danas najeo graha i sada ovdje prdnuo, da li biste Vi, gospodine sudac, mogli sa sigurnošću utvrditi koje je zrno eksplodiralo? 

Vinko Kalinić

Iz "Zapisi jednog mulca"

(Facende koje ne pameti hiśtorija,

a śvi źivot śe u njima źamorśi)